Time. Time. Time.

Things change so dang fast sometimes its hard to keep up with everything, let alone how I feel about it. Elder Ohio is indeed my best friend, but after my overly- emotional girl week I've come to the conclusion that I am NOT in love with him. He's just my person, and I'd very much like it to stay that way. Regardless I still miss his crazy self. All I needed was time to figure it out.
My little sisters birthday party went well, it was actually ALOT of fun; she was happy so I guess that's whats most important. The Golden family came down to play as well and it has in fact been thrilling to have them and baby here, like I said babies make everything better. Things are looking up. I'm still very much alone in my average-ness but I'm getting to be more ok with it; the quite gives me time to think and sort out priorities.Life is crazy, but today I'm happy with it. I'm here and I'm trying, thats what counts. This week I am going to go out of my way to make other people feel good, special, important, or loved. I'll write back on how things go. "Forget yourself and go to work!"- Gordan B. Hinckley

Just as I said.

Today is another average sort of day; get up, take shower, make bed, say prayers, eat breakfast. Nothing out of the ordinary. Though today is my littlest sisters birthday party; she's turned nine. Why is it that every year we get older things get harder? Why is eleven easier than twelve? Why is nineteen so much harder than eighteen? I don't have an answer or a poetic, clever response; I'm merely putting the question out there. But just as I said today is my sister's birthday party; my oldest sister and husband are coming up from Golden to celebrate with their adorable baby in tow. I'm excited to see them, babies make any average day much more thrilling.
No much else is happening, still missing Elder Ohio and still trying to become my best me. So far I'm failing miserably, I'm just lonely inside and out, trying to keep up a contented appearance. My senior english teacher always said she wanted to write a book entitled, "My life sucks, how's yours?" That pretty much pin-points how I feel today. My life sucks, how's yours?

Who is me?

I'm not the pretty princess kind of girl,
Or the one that got away.
I'm not the genius or the athlete,
Not destined to compose a masterpiece someday.
I wouldn't say I'm beautiful, not anymore than the next.
I won't be a druggie, or that alcoholic mess.
I'm not easy to please though not hard to handle.
My life is worth living out from under the shadows.
You cannot say I'm a goth or a prep,
I won't play the part of the broken-hearted and depressed.
There is not yet a mold to make someone like me,
for being like me is impossible you see?
To be my own perfection, my own best friend and my own enemy.
I am not the trouble maker or the good girl,
Not the brown-noser or the tattle-tale.
I'm not going to Heaven nor will I arrive in Hell.
I'm simply me and that will have to do, but tell me this;
What kind of person are you?

Stand

This has been a favorite song of mine for a while. In life it seems the more crap you go through the better you become. It's not always easy to see that you're going to be better while you're IN the mess, but the best thing we can do is keep our heads up and just keep moving. Still taking baby-step, but I'm moving.

You've got guts...

I needed to write this down somewhere so it'll stop playing over and over in my mind and I can focus on other things, so here it is. I don't expect anyone else to care but it matters to me so I'm putting it down. I recently realized that I had slight feelings for one of my best friends, and in the attempt to keep the air clear I told him...flat out. I don't want to be one of those people that's in love with their best friend for ten years and never tells them. That's dumb. Well while he proceeded to tell me that his feelings were not the same, that was not the worst part. You see this friend of mine...lets call him Elder Ohio is currently serving a mission for my church...in my area. So not only does he not feel the same BUT he also can no longer talk to me till the end of his mission....in JULY.That's FOUR months away...FOUR! While he's assured me we're still best friends and repeatedly told me that I had major guts for even telling him, it still sucks. I don't mind being alone, for the most part I enjoy it; that is until today when I realized that I don't mind being alone as long as I have Elder Ohio to talk to. He's my person and I feel empty without him. So all my hurt feelings, questions, venting and missing will go unfixed, unanswered, lost and kept to my lonesome self till July. Last night I made a calendar to mark off how many days till I get my best friend back. Though things have not gone according to plan lately and I'm left with no friends and only family to talk to, I'm still trying, I WILL become my best me. And it appears as though I'll have to do it all on my own. Wish me luck.
Yours,
Miss Average

This is my life and it's ending one mintue at a time

I'm not particularly good at writing, but my mom blogs, my friends blog, and my mom's friends blog; so I figured I'd better start a blog. I can't honestly say I have anything worthwhile to talk about but I needed a place to go to in this very average life of mine. A place where boys didn't matter, where no one cares how much I weigh or about the clothes I wear, who I do and don't hang out with, mostly I just needed a place to be me.

I'm 19 years old, I'm a Latter Day Saint,I'm the 4th of 7 kids, I'm a nanny.

I try to be my best self and like most humans I fail often, but I know I'm brave, I fall and I get up again; sometimes getting up takes a little while, but I do it. I'm in the process of getting up again and it's hard. BUT as of today I am determined to live my very average life in the most exciting way possible. I WILL become my best self, I WILL take chances, I WILL get up again, and I WILL be brave. I'm excited to watch myself change, these next few months are gonna be crazy...in my own very average sort of way.

Sincerely yours,

Miss Average