So this weekend a close family friend came to visit, he and I had a thing and in all honesty I don't know if everything is totally normal yet between us. I mean its not awkward or anything, it just feels different. Which I guess was to be expected. I loved spending time with someone but every time I tried to think about him in that light again it just didn't feel right and my thoughts were immediately pulled toward someone else. It was and still is a confusing feeling. I'm just gonna go ahead and dismiss all feelings toward anyone for now. Feelings complicate things too much and I don't have time for complications.
On a happier note I'm going to the temple this week. I love the temple, and I'm so excited to go. Heaven knows I need all the help I can get.
School this week will be stressful, I have many a test to study for and a speech to give. And then work every day...not too excited about work. I kinda hate my job...alot. I'm so sick of working with kids, I feel like I've already raised children up to the age of ten. Maybe I'll just adopt a ten year old after I get married. Probably not though....wishful thinking.
My birthday was this past week, I'm officially 20! Weird. So weird. But it was a fabulous day! School, then lunch and shopping with my awesome mom, then dinner with the family. My 15 year old sister made me a slide show that totally made me bawl like a baby. It was a really good day. Definitely one of the best birthdays I've ever had.
I'm trying to write a fluid, coherent blog but right now my thoughts are so scattered I'm not sure its working out too well. Half my mind is still focused on the first paragraph I wrote, while I'm obsessing about the math homework that I've yet to finish, all the while I just wanna go to bed, but it's only 6:15pm and I know if I go to bed now I'm bound to be up by 3am...not what I want. Then again maybe I'll be more ambitious about doing my math homework and studying at 3am...never tried it before.
ANYWAYS I'm gonna go obsess about all the crap going on this week and hopefully somewhere in there I'll get something figured out or done. Not likely though.
Yours as always,
Miss Average
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Wisdom. Gratitude. Family. Second Chances.
There are so many things that have been on my mind these last few days, so I'll attempt to sum it all up, no promises though.
First off I got my wisdom teeth out- all FOUR. FOUR. FOUR freaking teeth ripped outta ma head! The first day I drooled and cried. Second and third day I watched fifty billion episodes of House. By the fourth day I was ready to get back to my normal life...only problem was the gaping holes in my mouth where my FOUR teeth had been said otherwise. Sunday ended in the most pain I'd been in yet, more drugs, and a blessing. I've been progressively getting better since. Today I got back to my normal life. I'd missed it.
Second. I recently found out that an old friend of mine's dad passed away. It made me do alot of thinking. She and I have known each other since second grade, we were always in the same class, lived down the street from each other, and participated in choir, hand bells, and dance together. Sixth grade we even went to the school a week before the first day and decorated our lockers together- Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp all the way. She's one of the sweetest girls I've ever known, always an optimist and yet this is a trial God has given her. I'm sad for her. And at the same time so incredibly grateful that what she's going through is not something I've been asked to do.
Which brings me to my next thought. Not only have I felt more grateful for my few trials, but I've appreciated my family more too. I had the chance to take my three younger siblings up to Golden to see my oldest sister, her husband and their baby yesterday. In all honesty we didn't do much of anything, but just being there with them made me happy. I LOVE MY FAMILY. I'm more grateful to have my family than I can put into words. I don't think there is yet a word to be invented to accurately describe how much I love them or how blessed I am to have them. These crazy people that make up my family are my very best friends, every single one of them.
Now this is the real kicker, and its been on my mind for a few weeks now. My brother-in-law and I used to be really close, he couldn't have been more perfect for my oldest sister and because he was so perfect for her, I automatically loved him. He's good. He's honest. Smart. Kind. Hard working. He's a great husband and a fantastic father. I respect him ALOT. As I said we used to be close, and not just because he was family. We used to be able to talk and sitting alone in a room didn't used to be awkward. Then this last weekend I realized our conversation was strained and I didn't like it; I didn't like that we had nothing to say to each other, I didn't like that the conversation felt forced. I slowly realized that we were now only talking because we were family, and that's just what you do. So when we went to see my sister yesterday I brought it up. Apparently she'd noticed too, and evidently it was my fault. After a bit of explaining I knew she was right; it was my fault. I'd been stupid, I hadn't listened, I'd blown off, ignored, and insulted him in more ways than one. It's been on my mind for over 24 hours and I have yet to come up with a solution on how to fix it. I want so badly to fix this and I have no idea where to start. I thoroughly hope he believes in giving people second chances, even to those who heaven knows don't deserve them.
That's about all for now. I can't say this week was a very average one at all. It was actually very abnormal. but I'm excited to get back to my real life...the ever so predictable, unchanging, average life of mine. I'm comfortable there. At least for today.
Yours,
Miss Average
First off I got my wisdom teeth out- all FOUR. FOUR. FOUR freaking teeth ripped outta ma head! The first day I drooled and cried. Second and third day I watched fifty billion episodes of House. By the fourth day I was ready to get back to my normal life...only problem was the gaping holes in my mouth where my FOUR teeth had been said otherwise. Sunday ended in the most pain I'd been in yet, more drugs, and a blessing. I've been progressively getting better since. Today I got back to my normal life. I'd missed it.
Second. I recently found out that an old friend of mine's dad passed away. It made me do alot of thinking. She and I have known each other since second grade, we were always in the same class, lived down the street from each other, and participated in choir, hand bells, and dance together. Sixth grade we even went to the school a week before the first day and decorated our lockers together- Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp all the way. She's one of the sweetest girls I've ever known, always an optimist and yet this is a trial God has given her. I'm sad for her. And at the same time so incredibly grateful that what she's going through is not something I've been asked to do.
Which brings me to my next thought. Not only have I felt more grateful for my few trials, but I've appreciated my family more too. I had the chance to take my three younger siblings up to Golden to see my oldest sister, her husband and their baby yesterday. In all honesty we didn't do much of anything, but just being there with them made me happy. I LOVE MY FAMILY. I'm more grateful to have my family than I can put into words. I don't think there is yet a word to be invented to accurately describe how much I love them or how blessed I am to have them. These crazy people that make up my family are my very best friends, every single one of them.
Now this is the real kicker, and its been on my mind for a few weeks now. My brother-in-law and I used to be really close, he couldn't have been more perfect for my oldest sister and because he was so perfect for her, I automatically loved him. He's good. He's honest. Smart. Kind. Hard working. He's a great husband and a fantastic father. I respect him ALOT. As I said we used to be close, and not just because he was family. We used to be able to talk and sitting alone in a room didn't used to be awkward. Then this last weekend I realized our conversation was strained and I didn't like it; I didn't like that we had nothing to say to each other, I didn't like that the conversation felt forced. I slowly realized that we were now only talking because we were family, and that's just what you do. So when we went to see my sister yesterday I brought it up. Apparently she'd noticed too, and evidently it was my fault. After a bit of explaining I knew she was right; it was my fault. I'd been stupid, I hadn't listened, I'd blown off, ignored, and insulted him in more ways than one. It's been on my mind for over 24 hours and I have yet to come up with a solution on how to fix it. I want so badly to fix this and I have no idea where to start. I thoroughly hope he believes in giving people second chances, even to those who heaven knows don't deserve them.
That's about all for now. I can't say this week was a very average one at all. It was actually very abnormal. but I'm excited to get back to my real life...the ever so predictable, unchanging, average life of mine. I'm comfortable there. At least for today.
Yours,
Miss Average
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