Mile High.Moving.New kid.Long Night.

Blues Dancing. For 3 days straight. It was... Interesting, Fun, Exhausting, Educational. I loved every minute of it. Would gladly do it again in a heartbeat. After the insane weekend I made the drive... to Provo, that is. Its official, I'm out. And consequently I am once again the new kid. Which isn't all that bad. Well at least not as bad as it was in high school. All 5 times sucked, so in comparision this is easy. Having difficulty understanding a few of the people, but I'm praying they let me in with time. We'll see. Last night was a rough patch. Mom was in the ER and I was here. And I was with people who just dont know me yet. I was worried and completely alone, in a room full of peple. But she's ok today, so I'm ok too. Life is so weird. I know I'm supposed to be here, even if I dont fit in. This is where God said to be. So I'm here. Things are about to get crazy.

I've been to Heaven..

Yes its true I've been to Heaven.
A few hundred times in fact.
Though to the untrained soul
Heaven is a billion miles away,
I know better.
Heaven is really just down the road.
I've run,
walked,
jogged,
skipped
and been pulled there.
I've gone in flip-flops,
tennis shoes,
cross trainers
and bare feet.
I've gone searching for comfort,
answers,
cures to a broken heart,
and peace.
Most days I just went to find myself again.
But every day,
He met me there.
He'd listen.
He listened to me whine and cry,
listen to my most humble and sincere prayers,
He'd listen to me vent and beg.
He would wrap His arms around me
and though I'd sometimes forget Him;
He always remembered me.
Whether I came angry,
tired,
giddy,
or discouraged,
He was there.
And when I would leave
I'd be complete again.
I'd be content,
put at peace,
and I'd know without a shadow of a doubt that
HE LOVED ME.
Though some days I wouldn't come.
Afraid to let Him in,
too ashamed to confess my mistakes.
Too prideful, too self involved, too unwilling to learn.
Not ready to be forgiven,
not ready to be loved.
But I always knew that when I was ready,
He'd be waiting.
On occasion He met me at the beginning of my journey,
knowing I wouldn't make it though this walk alone.
Some days He waited until I called for Him;
sensing the walls that encased my heart,
ten feet high and six feet in the ground;
almost as if to ask for permission to come in.
And more often than not He would just show up,
always right when I needed Him most.
Never have I been to Heaven and not had Him meet me there.
Today as I walked on this trail that has become so sacred to me,
I realized how much I've learned there,
how much I've grown,
how much I need Him,
how much I've always needed Him.
I recalled how many prayers I'd whispered
hoping He'd be listening.
The many tears that littered the ground;
tears of pain,
joy,
confusion,
and gratitude.
I remembered the many epiphanies,
answers,
and apologies.
And then in that instant,
I felt Him remember me.
Just like He always does.
I've been to Heaven,
I've felt His love,
I know He lives.
And because He died for me,
I've vowed to spend the rest of my life
living for Him.
"I know that my Redemer LIVES"