Physical Therapy

So I was in a car accident in April.
APRIL.
Some stupid 17 year old girl wasn't paying attention
and T-boned me.
And now 9 months later,
I'm still in Physical Therapy.
And I go to all the appointments,
but its not something I go into detail about.
Today it got to me though.
More so than anything else,
its just taken up alot of time.
5 out of 7 days a week for the last 9 months I've
seen a chiropractor,
massage therapist,
electric shock technician,
and a physical therapist.
And as of this week
I'm on spine med.
The Chiropractor
can't get bones to stay where he put them them,
just the day before,
and is consistently forcing every ounce of breath out of me.
The Massage Therapist
left me with bruises all up and down my body
for weeks at a time.
I wanted to cry more times than I can count during those 2 hr. sessions.
The Electric Shock Technician
well...it's pretty self explanatory,
they hook you up to a machiene that sends
jolts of electricity through your body for 20 minutes.
It kills, believe me.
My Physical Therapist
is forever trying to get rid of my whip-lash
by hooking me up to this contraption
that bends my neck in ways I'm sure God did not intend.
Which leaves me with a migrane everytime.
And lastly Spine med.
Ya know those old midevil torture devices,
that were meant for literally pulling a person from limb to limb?
Spine med is like that.
They put you on a table,
strap you down from the waist up;
then put curved metal holders at the top of your hips and lock you in.
Then the table moves, it's pressure is calculated by pounds.
So when set to 50 lbs. that means that your hips will then be pulled in the
opposite direction from your head, with 50 lbs. of pressure forcing your spine to lengthen.
If that doesn't sound bad enough every move is monitored by the amount of weight on the table, so if you breathe, itch your nose, cough, turn your head, or move your mouth,
the weight increases to make sure you're still getting an accurate 50 lb. pull.
Which in turn messes up the data being collected and you have to start over.
Spine med takes 45 minutes minimum.
And the whole time I feel like I can't breathe.
Half way through I feel like I could have an anxiety attack.
Today was rough.
I had Spine med. at 8 am,
then I had PT,
then Electric Shock,
then the Chiropractor.
I got home
and today,
I cried.
It hurts.
It hurts.
It hurts.
It hurts.
IT HURTS.
It doesn't ever feel better,
it just hurts
ALL THE TIME.
And I can't fix it.
I can't control it.
I couldn't stop it.
And it hurts.
And no one gets it.
Yes I know I'm blessed to be able to get this care,
and I'm beyond grateful to have it.
But after 9 months of being in pain all day every day,
I'm worn out.
Running hurts,
dancing hurts,
laying down hurts,
turning my back hurts,
turning my head hurts,
reaching behind me hurts,
lifting things hurts,
it all hurts, all the time.
And its frustrating
cause I have absolutely no control over it.
I hurt.
Today it just hurt.