He's letting me go

It finally came last Thursday,

after checking the mail 10X a day for 3 weeks, it came.

*I've received my mission call.

I've been asked to serve in the New York, Rochester mission.

*I report August 8th.

I'm over-joyed at this opportunity.

I'm grateful.

Excited.

Nervous.

At the root of it all I'm really just humbled.

I feel so inadequate.

I still can't believe *He's letting me serve Him.

*I can't believe I get to wear His name.

*To testify of His works.

*To dedicate a year and a half of my life to His existence.

My part seems so small in comparison to what He's given me.

Last time I posted on here I was lost, so completely lost.

So lost that I didn't even recognize exactly how far off I was.

I moved home in mid-November.

I was physically the most sick I'd ever been in  my life,

and as much as I hate the word;* I was depressed.

*I was poor.* Hungry.* And aimless.

*So I came home.

Life got really hard.

*I was told by my new bishop that I would not be eligible to serve a mission.

That was one of the hardest meetings I have ever had.

I cried. Alot.

That was the only plan I had left.

Spiritually I went stagnant for a few months.

I was so angry at myself.

Disappointed in myself.

Everything else I'd been struggling with was heightened.

I'd like to say I had one big "AH HA!" moment that brought me back to life,

but I didn't.

*I started working as a nanny to a family in our stake.

Being busy was a blessing.

Having money was a blessing.

That family was a blessing.

Their love is still a blessing, one that I know I didn't deserve

but I'm so grateful they gave it anyways.

Their home became my refuge.

*Also during this time my oldest sister had such patience with me.

Danielle is so not perfect. But she's a saint in my eyes.

She's everything I aspire to be and probably more than I'll ever be capable of.

I can't even count how many times she's saved me.

How many times she's stayed up to talk to me,

to cry with me, to walk to the very darkest parts of my soul with me.

*I'm grateful for every time she reminded me that I was worth loving.

I would not be here if it wasn't for her.

By mid-February I was mostly put back together.

I never stopped attending church but I was mostly just going through the motions.

I loved my job.

And I was slowly starting to let people back in.

I had a job out in Utah for a week, and was given the idea to train for the Tough Mudder.

I got off the plane in Colorado and headed straight for the Sante Fe trail.

Then I started seeing Gods hand in my life again.

*I had the pleasure of training for this 12 mile and 26 obstacle mud race with a couple in my ward.

I had a new goal. I had hope. I was determined to accomplish something.

*A month and a half before the race I sprained my ankle.

*In this time I met 2 sets of missionaries.

Sister Akemon, Sister Shepherd, Elder Weagle, And Elder Schumacher.

I don't know if they know it but I'm fairly certain they were sent here just for me.

I'd given up on serving a mission, my bishop had said no.

*Then while standing in the kitchen on a Saturday morning, making bacon; Elder Schumacher asked when I was going to put in my papers.

*Later that morning I met with the Sisters, they encouraged me to look at my situation differently. Rather than as a set back in my training, maybe it was Heavenly Fathers way of telling me it was time to re-evaluate my priorities.

*That afternoon Elder Schumacher gave me the most memorable blessing of my life thus far.

And after that I knew, I had to get on a mission. Whatever it takes.

So the following Sunday after many, many, many prayers and fasting I met with my bishop again.

For the second time I asked if I could serve a mission.

*He said I needed to meet with a man from LDS Family services first.

And that he would need to meet with the Stake President.

He didn't say yes, but at least he didn't say no.

*A week later after both the meetings and lots of prayers,

for the third time I asked if I could serve a mission;

this time he said yes.

And I cried. Alot.

I started my papers.

Every appointment needed was taken care of quickly and my papers were done within 2 weeks.

Also in this 2 week span I got *strep throat, *scarlett fever, *a skin/hair virus, *several fevers from the shots required for the physical, *a fractured wrist and *a sprained shoulder.

Needless to say my training fell apart.

In the end I was advised to not compete in the race.

But the Sisters were right, I needed to re-prioritize my life.

While I couldn't see why I was in Utah almost a year ago,

I can say I get it now.

Everything.

Every sickness, every bad day, every friend gained and lost, every injury.

EVERYTHING thats happened has led me here.

In 2 weeks I get to take out my endowments.

My mission will only be a year and a half long,

but the covenants I get to make are for the eternities.

I'm so grateful for all the blessings I didn't know God was preparing me for.

I've never understood how people could be grateful for their trials until now.

I know missions aren't easy. I know its alot of work.

But honestly I'm still stunned.

I'm so grateful.

So completely humbled that He's letting me go.

* (Blessings I didn't know I was getting.)

-Throughout this journey my family has been my greatest supporters.

Their testimonies and examples have lit my path more than once. It was their love that made me feel again.

-As always, there's a boy. He's not new. But I'm grateful for his presence in my life. I should probably tell him that sometime.