Natasha Bedingfield - Strip Me

I. LOVE. THIS. SONG.

We CHANGE

EVOLVE

GROW

EVERYDAY.

Regardless of whats going on outside of us,

the things we can't control,

society,

people,

evil,

WE

still

have a

VOICE

WE

have

a

say.

And

NO ONE

can take that

Away.

I'm

just ONE

voice,

ONE

person,

and I can

CHANGE the

WORLD

ONE

little bit at a time.

Take away

the make-up,

nice clothes,

and try to break me

But I'm still here.

I'm still trying.

I'm still ME.

The stuff weekends are made of

So this weekend I had the opportunity to spend some time with my older sister, brother-in-law, nephew, and my brother-in-law's mom and sister.
I kind of adore all of these people, so all in all it was a great weekend.
Around this particular group of people I feel the need to be my best self, and typically walk away feeling like I have so many things to fix.
And as expected I now have a list of things to do and change.
But I had the privlege to have a conversation with my brother-in-law's little sister, who I really consider one of my own sisters these days.
In this conversation I got to do the teaching rather than the listening; and if you know me, you know that I'd much rather recieve advice than give it...I always feel like I have more to learn than whomever else I'm talking to. On any account, I had the blesing of being the teacher this go around. And boy am I grateful for that experience, I learned so much about her, the spirit, and myself. I know the spirit guided that conversation because I can't honestly say that what we were talking about was something I'd ever even thought about before. And for some reason she needed to hear what was said, and I just got lucky enough to be the person to talk to her about it.
I now have a reaffirmed faith that Heavenly Father gives us what we need, when we need it.
I'm grateful I was able to give back even just a little bit to this family. A few years back it was this family that Heavenly Father sent to me...granted my sister got a husband out of our relationshop with them, but I still like to think that He knew I needed them too. They set an example for me and helped me remember who I could be. I love them for that.
Anyways last night I also got to talk to one of my best friends...he's such a dork, but he always makes me feel better. I really just got lucky to know the people I do, and even luckier to be related to the people in my family.
More and more lately I've been realizing that God remembers me everyday...and He lets me know it too. I have alot to be grateful for.
I need to remember that more often.
Well thats about all I've got for now.
Not so excited to get back to my real life this week, but only one more week till Thanksgiving,
I'm counting down the days.
I love the holidays!
Excited :0)

Think. Worry. Analyze.

Man I don't know whats up lately
but I've turned into this hyper sensitive,
pathetic ball of mush.
I think.
I worry.
I over analyze.
Then I worry about why
I'm thinking
and over analyzing.
Then after obsessing about
what I think
I worry
that I'm going to start
overanalyzing.
And at the end of all the
thinking
worrying
and over analyzing
I feel terrible.
Then I start
apologizing.
All in all
I suck this week.
And I don't even know why.
But if I dwell on it too much,
I'll start to overanalyze it,
and if that happens
heaven knows I'm bound to start
worrying about it.
Something has got to give.

You really are so dumb. Fo real.

People are frustrating.
And dishonest.
Just because you're not
FLAT. OUT. LYING.
Doesn't mean you aren't being dishonest.
I hate hate hate hate hate
LIARS.
If I wanted someone to lie to my face
I'd pay people to be my friends.
But I don't.
I just don't understand.
What kind of satisfaction do you get
from not telling the truth?
How does it better you?
And worse!
Why would you date someone you don't like,
and then FLIRT WITH SOMEONE ELSE????
Maybe I'm just not "hip"
to how our society works these day,
but if you're just gonna mess around
with other people,
why be in a relationship?
Really, I just don't understand.
Anyone wanna explain?
OR
Why tell someone that you like them if you don't?
What happened to honesty people?
Here's a helpful tip..
IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMEONE
DON"T TELL THEM THAT YOU DO.
I promise it'll save you LOADS of
time,
drama,
apologies,
and hurt feelings.
I'm starting to think I'm the crazy one.
I thought these were all standards.
Apparently I was wrong.
SO for people who lie,
cheat,
decieve,
or speak before they think...
You really are SO DUMB.
Fo REAL.
Just sayin'.

Do it today. Say it today. LIVE. TODAY.

So I was thinking today

And I've been told I think too much

and I'm sure I do.

On any account I was thinking today.

I was thinking about what I'd do or say

if today was my last.

Now I can't say that I hide what I feel

or think generally.

But I decided that there had to be

a few things at least

that I'd want to do,

or want to say.

After thinking about this for a good while

I decided that if today was my last day

I'd be ok with it.

My family knows that I love them.

My friends know that I care.

I've left journals behind.

I've been honest.

I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I know where I'm headed when this life is over.

I've not always been my best,

I've made more mistakes than I can count,

But I tried.

I tried to be my best.

I've said what I've needed to say,

asked questions I've needed answers to,

and can say with confidence

that I've lived a good life.

Then I realized how lucky I am

that today is not my last...

at least in this moment.

I'm still alive and feel that I will be

for some time.

I have the opportunity,

chance,

choice,

to make every day I'm given

COUNT.

My life is worth living.

I have so much more to do.

And still so much more to say.

Things I don't even know about.

And people I've yet to meet.

Experiences.

Challenges.

Blessings.

Heartaches.

Happiness.

I've got so much life to live.

How glad I am

that today is not my last.

What would you do if you only had one day left?

What would you say?

Are there amends to make?

Love to profess?

Challenges to accept?

"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today, for you will find that you end up with alot of empty yesterdays."

Breathing again

Ever had something that weighed on you so much
that somewhere inbetween all the
thinking,
analyzing,
praying and
stressing
you just kinda stop breathing?
You just lost it a little bit?
And then finally
after it's all figured out,
taken care of,
and questions are answered
you start breathing again,
not realizing that you ever stopped?
Thats been me for the past year.
This thing has seriously been eating me alive
for what feels like forever.
And after 15 months,
I can finally breathe again.
I feel lightened,
relieved,
comforted.
I feel like God remembered me again today.
And I'm grateful.
While I can say I feel loads better,
cause I do.
I can't help but admit that I feel
a twinge of sadness.
Hope always gets the best of me.
I don't usually expect the best out of people.
But in a few instances in my life I have,
and this was one of them.
So I hoped.
Regardless of this minor feeling
I'm still happy to just be breathing again.
"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."

What I'd say if you were here- confessions, apologies, and thank you's

1. We're 20, remember when we talked about all the things we'd be doin when we were 20; how we'd be doing them together? Remember when we said we'd always be best friends? Remember? I do. I miss you. I'm so mad at you for all the crap you've put me-us through in the past two years, I don't even know how to talk to you anymore. But so often I'll be driving on I-25 and just be tempted to keep going till I get to Tejon, to get to your moms house. So often I just want to talk to you, to stay up way too late eating Reeses Puffs, drinking chocolate milk and talking while some movie that we both "really wanted to see!" plays in the backround. I miss laughing with you, I miss crying with you, I miss taking stupid pictures of ourselves, I miss seeing you at church, I miss hearing your testimony, I miss your taste in music, I miss our inside jokes, I miss you. I miss YOU.

2. I'm combining you two cause I have the same things to say to both of you, you guys save me, everyday. I can't even comprehend not being as close to you guys as I am. I'm sure I'd fall apart. You guys get me. You can read me better than an open book. And more often than not you know what I'm feeling before I even get two words out. I'm so grateful to be sealed to you two for time and eternity. I'm blessed to be related to the both of you and love you more than words can describe. Thank you. Dani thank you for calling to check in on me, thank you for meeting me half-way, thank you for being there when I need you most, thank you for being there when I screw up and for rejoicing most when I come back. Thank you for being my best friend. And Mom, thank you for staying up to talk to me, even when we've had the same conversation about the same boy/job/friend/situation a hundred other times that week. Thanks for supporting me. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for not giving up on me, and for not killing me when I desreved it. Thank you for being my mom.

3. Rarely does a day go by that I don't regret not knowing what I wanted with you. For not being my best me when I told you I loved you, for not being more honest with myself so I could be more honest with you. I wish we could go back to the month that you went home, and we could just be friends; maybe things would've worked out differently if I'd had intentions of only being your friend first. We can't change the past and I know that, so I'm grateful you're still here. Thank you for being my friend still. Thank you for being endlessly patient with me.

4. You are my person. Whether you like it or not. Ya know, everyone said after you left I'd never hear from you again; thank you for proving them wrong. I held my breath waiting for that first phone call, and I instantly feel better when I see you're calling these days. You've solved every problem I've ever given you and answered every question I've ever asked. You're the first person I call when I'm frustrated/mad/sad/excited/confused/passed out or drugged up....I call you, and you always fix me. I miss you buddy.

5. Only when reflecting on people in my life do I even think about you anymore. You were my first. I fell in love with you, and in all honesty I've yet to find someone that makes me feel like you did. You had my heart. It took a long time but I finally feel like me again, the one that doesn't need you. But I do wish you all the best, you'll always have a piece of my heart. Knowing you and your family made me a better person.

6. I know Heavenly Father answers my prayers, I'd never been so ernestly seeking an answer than I was the night I prayed about why I felt like I was supposed to know you. Thinking about that night, to this day I can still hear that answer. It's an answer I don't feel the need to question. What I do question is if you felt it at all too. I feel like I'm at a standstill in my life waiting to know the answer to this question. Too bad you don't seem to have enough time to let me know whether or not I'm wasting mine.

7.You brought out the very worst in me and I'm so thankful I was finally able to get you out of my life. I could not be paid all the money in the world to relive what I went through with you. I thought I could help you, and all you did was break me.

8. I'm not sure why we aren't friends anymore...I think we were both just too stubborn to apologize, and that seemed to cost us our friendship. My best experience in the temple was with you. My best summer was with you. My best shopping sprees were with you. I became my best me because of you. I miss seeing you be your best too. And I learned so much about the gospel from sharing it with you. If you ever need a friend my door is always open.

9. Man we have some weird history. I can't believe we met on a bus and 5 years later we're still friends. You made sophomore year worth living, and left a huge mark on my life. It's been forever since I've seen you and it never feels like we talk often enough. Hopefully one day we'll get another shot at this thing. But until then thanks for sticking around. 143.

10. Have I told you lately? I know I don't as often as I should. But at the same time I never worry that you won't be there, I know you always will be. Thats just how you are. You my dear are one of a kind like that. I love you.


Thats all folks. I didn't mention alot of people, but the ones I did changed me, helped me, and taught me lessons I couldn't have learned any other way.